Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Another fine email to share!

Subject: INSTALLING HUSBAND Version 1.0

Dear Tech Support:

Last year, I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and almost immediately noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance -particularly in the Flower and Jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 , MLB 3.0, NBA 4.0, NASCAR 4.2 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

************ ********* ********* ********* *********

Dear Desperate:

First, keep in mind Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command:
"http//www.I-Thought-You- Loved-Me. com"
and try to download Tears 6.2, and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Second, whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a >virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Signed,
Support Tech

This is not to imply that current hubby has this problem - I uninstalled husband 1.0 a long time ago because it never really ran right. Fortunately, current hubby is Hubby 2.1, has autorun gratitude 1.0 and has uninstalled nitpick 4.3.2., and his flowers 4.0 as well as dishes 2.1 run flawlessly.

He therefore has no bad habits whatsoever.

Now that THAT's established, there's this bridge not very far from here, in great condition, with an unlimited income potential that's going for a song...

4 Comments:

Blogger Mimi said...

This is hysterical. I read it outloud to my husband 1.0. He mentioned the problems associated with children 1.0, 2.0, 3.0 and 4.0. It can wreak havoc on all previously installed programs. ;-)

Mimi

8:58 PM, December 27, 2006  
Blogger oldwhitelady said...

The applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5 really don't have to run that often, even.

I'm not sure the program Nagging 5.3 actually works - probably has bugs in the code.

That was mighty funny.

11:22 PM, December 27, 2006  
Blogger SB Gypsy said...

Hey Mimi,

I had forgotten how children 1.0, 2.0 and 3.0 put a crimp in the runtime for Romance 9.5(I never got children 4.0, because 3.0 was such a handful).

Hey OWL,

I think the bugs in Nagging 5.3 actually end up causing any Husband module to go into an infinite regressive loop, whereapon the subprogram Husband-head ends up fried and smoking on the floor.

I avoid running that program like the plague.

12:11 PM, December 28, 2006  
Blogger The Fat Lady Sings said...

That is absolutely the best thing I've read in ages! What a hoot! Not to mention true to a fault - especially that part about boyfriend 5.0 being an entertainment package. :)

1:23 AM, December 29, 2006  

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